Now It's My Turn

I can't sleep, I was talking to God with lots of tears, ask Him to give me strength to let you go. To let you chase your own dream,your own happiness without me.

I just don't realize how much I love you until I lose you, until you left, until no more chance left for me. Yes, it is REGRET. Off course it is.

I have no more words
This feeling is too wild like a hurricane, I can't bare it, I can't describe it into word, it just too damn destructive, and my heart just stop.

This is my turn
Too feel so unwanted
rejected
and alone

4.56am

Black - Black Heart

your recovery is just a matter of time

once you found another right one

it'll gone, it'll past and you'll forget

you'll laugh probably

my enhancement?
is it just a matter of time?
will it recur with another one and another after that?
daunt me out just to conceive it


this regret will last forever
to let one of the best thing in my life walk away
this soul will lost forever
by the time you choose to drove away

you'll survive this by the time you start your new life
with another lovely daddy's lil' girl
be happy, be bright, and be strong
be a better man for sure

my part?
to watch you grow, will i do so?
or i just keep fooling my self with another bad preference?
stall my leap just to dreamed about


this regret will last forever
to let one of the best thing in my life walk away

this soul will lost forever
by the time you choose to drove away

2.33 am , still can't sleep by the way

This One For You

Sabtu, 8 Mei 2010 lalu saya berangkat ke bandung demi melihat performa Copeland untuk pertama dan terakhir kali. Sebenarnya saya tidak tau banyak lagu-lagunya, jujur cuma hafal 3 lagu yg plg jadi hits nya coffee, sleep, dan priceless (ini dijadiin lagu pembuka di konsernya). I watch them perform with a proper companion which is teman hidup saya selama 8 tahun yg sudah menghadiahi saya tiket tersebut dan rela nemenin nonton walaupun dia tidak tau lagu2 mereka sama sekali.

Well, singkat cerita perjalanan itu menjadi perjalanan kami terindah sekaligus tersedih buat saya. Dari awal perjalanan suasana sudah tidak enak lagi2 karena kecerobohan saya dan tingginya ego yang susah ditklakukan dan selalu ingin diatas angin, perjalanan sangat tidak nyaman, saat konser dimulai pun terjadi keributan kecil dan berdampak kami harus menyaksikan konser terpisah beberapa meter, begitu konser selesai kami pun terpisah lagi karena saya bertemu dengan teman dan dia menghilang krn ga mau ktemu teman saya itu. Setelah ketemu lagi, berhubung kami mengandalkan jasa travel untuk pulang pergi dan karena konser selesai hampir pk 12.00 am maka kami putuskan untuk menunggu di restoran cepat saji 24 jam sampai jam keberangkatan travel terpagi.

Disitu kami banyak bercerita dan memutuskan satu keputusan yang saya pikir mungkin tepat. Saya sudah menyakiti dia berkali-kali, mengkhianati dia, melukai dia lagi dan lagi, hal itu membawa trauma mendalam bagi dia dan tidak jarang hal-hal yang saya lakukan menimbulkan keributan diantara kami. Akhirnya dia memutuskan kami tidak bisa bersama lagi, by the time we arrive in Jakarta hubungan kita selesai (benar-benar selesai tidak seperti sebelumnya) dia menjalankan hidup dia dan begitu juga sebaliknya hanya tersisa hubungan profesional.

Ketika perjalanan pulang, kami kebetulan duduk terpisah, seperti biasa saya pasang ipod lalu memasang lagu copeland, ketika mobil travel jalan tepat 'careful now' by copeland berputar dan lagi lagu ini sukses membuat saya meneteskan air mati selama perjalanan pulang sama seperti di konser malam tadi (padahal waktu dikonser saya blm pernah dengar lagunya). sepertinya lagu ini menggambarkan perasaan saya.

Oh, maybe you should make a list for me
Of everything important in this world
In a note of urgency
'Cause I don't know how to feel

Maybe you should stay a mystery
And I know you as well as anyone else
And you will appear the same to me
'Cause I don't know how to feel

Ooooh, ooooh...

Careful now, you'll hurt yourself
Careful now, you'll hurt, you'll hurt someone else

Oh, maybe you should make a list of me
Of everything important in this world
In a note of urgency
'Cause I don't know how to feel

I threw everything out that doesn't make sense
To find a thousand more things that don't make sense
And I can't help but get lost in a fault like this
When I don't know how to hide myself in open air
Where I'm all alone, alone, alone

Careful now, you'll hurt yourself
Careful now, you'll hurt, you'll hurt someone
Careful now, you'll hurt yourself
Careful now, you'll hurt, you'll hurt someone else

this one for you, what inside me this song explore it very well

bedroom, 1.56 am, i thing I'm gonna sleep early tonight